in retrospect

1. Find some good devotional material and revive my QT

2. Clear the HIMYM and BBT backlog

3. ACJC gym subscription (?)

4. Work up a storm to prepare for IPPT Year 0

5. Pray

Already halfway through my time at Bosch and just a bit over 2 months left to the start of school. The change in my outlook of life in this past two weeks has been as striking as Thor's hammer and inexorable as Captain America's resolve. I don't even think I'm the same person anymore.

Love amazing, so divine, we will love You in reply, Lord.

Let's go.

You know it's funny.

When I made the decision to revive this blog and take the archives of my old blogs off the air, I made a quick glimpse at how my posts evolved over the ages. From simple posts just detailing my boring life in excruciating to detail to emo posts and then finally on to rhetorical pieces, the trend was there.

Today, I revisited a blog of someone I don't know but occasionally happened to chance upon over the years, ever since our paths crossed once quite some time ago. And the trend was there too.

And that got me thinking, as is my wont.

Maturity, is it a gift or a curse? Does it really tell you what's important in life and what's not, or is it just there to suppress you from saying the things you want to say because others will think it's stupid and not worth their time?

Immature is what boring people call those who are fun.

Can't help but think that there's some truth in that statement, no matter how warped it might be. Don't you want to live a life rather than just exist? To live life to the fullest, and when you finally meet your Maker tell Him with pride that "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7, ESV)

I wanna thrive, not just survive.

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

In lieu of that cliche, yes, I am alive and well of course. ORD life is all well and good. It's an absolutely wonderful feeling, to have no complains about your life as you see it instead of grumbling for something better.

Events of this past week has triggered the me to introspect. I suppose it all revolved about this fateful Wednesday, before during and after the USP interview. Something happened which I shan't describe here that has re-ignited some fire that I haven't felt in over 2 years. It's a wonderful feeling, ecstasy even, but whether it will lead to my life changing for the better or consume me remains to be seen.

Moving backwards a bit, a couple of months back I wrote a commentary on the Singapore Government's 2012 Budget, after reading the past 3 years of budget speeches and consulting the PricewaterhouseCoopers commentary. This was done mostly for an internship application which did not go through in favour another internship which I'm currently doing at Robert Bosch. First time I'm posting up a work of mine on an open domain, I mean why not right?

“A budget for the future”, so said Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam in his 2012 budget speech to the Parliament. Emphasizing on the government’s initiatives toward long term goals for economic and social progress in Singapore, the Minister of Finance detailed changes in the government fiscal policy in the wake of the 2011 General and Presidential Elections where public anger against the PAP government came to an unprecedented head since Independence.

Mr Tharman’s speech covered some key trends echoed in the 2011 budget speech. The budget is themed towards building an “inclusive society and stronger Singapore”. He covered on the government’s aim towards increasing worker productivity by a total of 30% over the decade in order to compete with top world economies such as the United States and Scandinavian countries.

One key thrust is toward alleviating income inequality which has contributed to Singapore’s unusually high Gini co-efficient. Figures released for the 50th and 20^th percentile households have shown some improvements compared to those in 2010, but the income gap continues to increase with median real gains of 17.7% against 11.7% for the 20^th percentile. Indeed, income disparity was a point of tension in the general elections in 2011. This has led to the introduction of the Goods and Services Tax (GST) Voucher scheme in an effort to dispel regressive effects of the GST. In this area, Mr Tharman stated that the government is working towards a progressive fiscal system, where “the poor get fair more benefits compared to the taxes they pay”.

Funds were allocated towards boosting Singapore’s Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs) with another enhancement to the Productivity and Innovation Credit scheme and the introduction of a 5-year Special Employment Credit as an incentive for firms to employ older workers above 50 years of age. These multi-year schemes strike a resonant chord with the government message of building for the future. However, one would also note that major changes in tax policy such as cutting corporate tax rate, traditionally used to entice Multi-National Corporations (MNCs), was avoided. This might signify a desire to maintain stability in tax revenues in the view of increased social spending. Alternatively, it demonstrates that Singapore continues to maintain competitiveness against competing economies with similar tax rates such as Hong Kong and Taiwan.

One key point of contention could be the sudden change in the government’s policy towards foreign labour. Whilst the 2011 budget called for an increase in foreign worker levies, most measures were timed to take effect after 2012 till as far off as July 2013. In this year’s budget, on top of these changes, the Dependency Ratio Ceilings (DRC) for the manufacturing and service industries, the quota controlling the proportion of foreign workers, were cut by 5% each. This was forecasted to hit around 9000 corporations and would take effect within 4 months, with existing workers to be cut by 2014. With the hindsight of issues raised in the 2011 elections, this could possibly be a reaction towards open public discontent aimed at “foreign talents”.

A Bus Services Enhancement Fund, aimed at significantly increasing bus capacity, was also implemented. This one-off scheme is another possible reaction, this time towards the public outcry at the recent Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) breakdowns. Along with the changes into foreign labour policy, it appears that they are aimed at improving public approval of the government after GE2011.

In all, despite increased social spending and funds set aside for boosting the economy, the budget remains a tight one with the budget expected to yield a surplus of 0.4% of the GDP, avoiding an expansionary fiscal policy. In view of increasingly negative global economic situation, this goes in line with Mr Tharman’s statement of not responding toward short-term challenges but preparing for long term ones. 

It's almost over.

I just got too busy to continue updating this place as things took a drastic change not long after my last post, then when time began to avail itself lethargic inertia took its tool.

Well, must say its been a roller coaster final 6 months to ORD. Got kicked to Viper and not long after the shit hit the fan, pardon the language but its apt, and then I suddenly found myself taking over as platoon sergeant with absolutely no junior commanders under my charge. Those three weeks of my life were perhaps the craziest I've ever gone through and now that its all said and done I'm just glad and survived it and came out a better person and commander.

I guess God works in the most unexpected ways. I was inkling for a chance to take charge of a platoon and there it was, thrust straight to me in a blink of the eye. I was paralysed for nearly a month, command-wise. It was just giving out instructions and sorting out admin and then getting shut eye whenever I could, immense stress and workload and then when the new replacements came there was the challenge of teaching and guiding them as well. But when things settled down I found myself with the freedom to dictate how the platoon was run, based on my experience and what I wanted from them.

I'm really really glad at how it turned out in the end. There was absolutely no way I could have done it myself, but somehow I did. And I'm even more proud of my platoon. Sure, there were casualties along the way who couldn't make the cut and OOT'd, as well as some attitude problem people, but as a whole I'm so happy that platoon 4 ended up outshining the rest. The success stories were heartwarming, because I didn't think I was capable of teaching and changing them for the better at the beginning.

I really learnt A LOT from this. My time in Raven and the high standards demanded of the specialists there got me to build a strong foundation as a commander and when I came to Viper I got to put what I learnt to use. Stepping up, taking initiative, never would have associated myself with those words not too long ago. I guess these aren't really command skills but priceless life skills that I've learnt. Even though I can't wait to ORD and I kinda hate the lack of freedom, I'll forever be grateful to NS for giving me this.

I haven't posted here in a month and a half and nothing about 03/11 yet so I'd thought may I'd come here and say my piece.

Anywho, 03/11 has been pretty okay so far. Things are a lot more smoother than it was last batch probably cause of experience and the fact that the training programme has been necessarily less intense due to the onset of fasting month for the muslim dudes. There's hardly any night training, BTP has passed with nary a hiccup and I stayed in coyline for FPD so I don't know how that went. As for the strange happenings at night, the stories seem far too incredulous for me to believe wholeheartedly but still necessitated some attention. Personally I haven't encountered anything and my stand on the issue is firm, cause there's Someone who sacrificed himself to save me and look after me.

So the thing that stood out most this week was the topic of reconciliation, amidst all the hullabaloos of endless work. So Pastor Steven was preaching about this message and well in typical unfaithful fashion it got swept aside like how many countless messages have been. But then at an incident involving some misunderstandings, it came back when I decided to seek reconciliation and was denied a chance to thrash things out. Suddenly it struck me that if such a simple denial (from someone who wasn't a close acquaintance) could hurt so much, how much more would God feel when His beloved children rejected him.

Its yet another daily nugget to appreciate, that God and His relationship with us can be starkly seen in creation. What an unfaithful servant I've been.

02/11 has come and gone, so we currently have 18 female recruits on our hands... and more than 18 permstaff involved in running the servicewomen batch.

Coyline is tiring but somewhat rewarding. By the end of the year I'd probably have accumulated enough offs to disappear until the day I ORD. The whole new bird must work harder than old bird blah blah, to be honest does irk me occasionally, especially since I've been on this island with the rank for a bit already. Long enough at least, in my opinion.

I suppose I need to work harder to bring out my own unique character as a commander rather than model after other people who use methods I don't really believe in. Coherency. A game face. 03/11 you're on.

Moving on to other stuffs, I listened to my first tube amplifier last weekend. Intriguingly enough, it was also a portable amplifier which I understand is somewhat rare for tubes. The sound was very smooth and non-fatiguing, the bass was almost organic. It made my DBA-02s sound like another IEM altogether, without subtracting any of the DBA-02's merits. Unfortunately with its SGD700++ price tag I will of course not be buying it.

The E11, on the other hand, seems like a potential value purchase at 10% of the price. It didn't improve the sound as much, but there was definitely some improvement to soundstage and imaging. Instead of hearing sounds pan from ear to ear two dimensionally like how it's done with a simple mixer, you can definitely perceive three dimensional movement of instruments within the soundscape. Time to hunt for a good deal on the local forums...

And on to the last, it may stretch to an eternity at times but its only after you look back when you realise how far time has flown. When the 'O' levellers you studied with during 'A' level year are now having their own go with it, you know its time.

It's been a crazy fast 8.5 weeks and here we are exactly 1 week from the POP of my 2nd 1st batch of recruits. The title merely describes the figure epitomising the very last hurdle to clear before my recruits officially become privates.

It's not been an easy time. Obviously. I'm physically (or at least my melanin count's off the charts) and mentally burnt, but it's been somewhat of a pleasure to see how them recruits have progressed from the time they first came in. A mental note to self to give them some reward which I'd promised near the beginning of BMT. Must remember to always keep promises. You cannot afford to ignore that, especially as a commander.

Their appraisals about the commanders came in last week and from what I read the general vibe was that my relative inexperience as a commander did show at times and there was definitely room for improvement. I thank those people who had the courage to express their honest opinions. I was especially encouraged when I read about a few 'glowing' appraisals and hope that is what they sincerely think of me.

So here I am, 8 more months to ORD give or take a couple of days. I had breakfast with John today after service and it was a great time of catching up, I've drifted a little away from my church friends lately, no thanks to the continous weekend burnings.

I can't wait for next Sunday to come.

(We can do this.)

I'm searching for answers on why it's so hard to be a christian in a military organisation, especially as a junior NCO.

Command is a wonderful experience that teaches you lifelong lessons, but when the upper hierachy values black and white deliverables to the extreme it gets difficult to remain focused on the means by which you achieve those deliverables and in creeps the temptation to compromise ethics and biblical values to get to the end.

As a junior commander from which professionalism and competence is highly demanded from, it gets very demoralising when others, not necessarily my peers, let personal matters cloud their judgement and responsibility in ensuring a fair workload for everyone even though I'd readily admit I'm far from perfect in this area.

I shan't go into specifics to make sure I don't get mysterious letters and men in suits knocking on my door. But I guess the problems and challenges which I face are more or less derived from the utter depravity of mankind. The onus therefore lies within me to avoid the temptation of following the footsteps of others who have compromised values. I too need to stop conforming myself to the expectations and demands of others in a manner that is Christlike.

But I'm failing terribly and my flaws only get exaggerated in this military environment. Pray.

Was formally welcomed into the Zion Family today. Now entitled to crackers and ribena every first Sunday of the month :)

On other thoughts of the day, sociology's a pretty interesting and rather scientific field of study. Actually its not really a field of study, more like a subset of the general field of economics. Perhaps in the same way that chemistry comes under physics?

Perhaps I should read it up more, along with psychology especially given what I do for NS...

I am 20 years old.

I lack inspiration, motivation and drive in my life. Is this what they refer to as cynicism as people grow out of their teenage years? The giving in to the constant pressures applied upon me this past couple of weeks speaks like an emotional barometer. Among other things, the lack of things happening in my life is taking a toll on me. God, I need your direction to guide me back to the path from which I so often like to stra

These are doldrums from which I so yearn to break free from. I need to pray much much more and accept what God has for me. It's 2 weeks to officially reaffirming my faith and still I do so many things most would term un-Christ like. Stop thinking about the big stuff when you haven't got the basics right. She will come when you are ready, so drop the thought cause you're far from ready yet.

Would you stand up for what you think is right and bear the earthly consequences to uphold your beliefs?